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Why I Wrote This Book


I was one of the many women who didn’t have a clue. Then, one day, it seemed my world turned upside down. Now, having spoken with many women who have been betrayed—and women who have, themselves, betrayed—the devastation is driven home to me.


I write as a woman who has both betrayed, and been betrayed. I write through the voices of other women, and my reflections on their experiences. I write as the stories are told—in an intimate and conversational, rather than clinical or psychological, way.


I am deeply concerned that infidelity has become an accepted way to exit or to challenge a committed relationship, or simply to “get a bit on the side.” I am concerned at the level of denial about the trauma that is induced. I am concerned that every act of infidelity normalizes and legitimizes another. The repercussions of infidelity don’t “go away” with the ending of the affair or the breaking up of the marriage, and extend way, way beyond the family itself.


Polls show that around 85% of people say infidelity is wrong. More than 90% of married individuals do not approve of extramarital sex, and yet almost half admit to having had an affair. What drives this dichotomy between what we say we should do and what we do?


Virtually every one of us has been, or will be, in some way touched by this epidemic. I began to wonder, as supposedly aware, passionate, and compassionate women, how can we make good of these experiences of infidelity in our individual lives? How might we avoid—or heal from—the trauma of infidelity? These questions pressed in on me, and this book was born. 



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